A Love Letter to My Husband

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. ~ Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV)

I had an epiphany this week – that all the crazy-making hormones of pregnancy don’t exactly go away when the baby arrives. Especially if one is manufacturing milk to feed said baby. This explains some – not all – of my emotional rollercoaster riding the past six months. Granted, I have not done anything like decide to paint the living room at midnight, but I have had my share of insanity. Like the night I tearfully told E I felt like our marriage was falling apart because we weren’t kissing each other good night every night of the week (he’s generally asleep the minute his head hits the pillow, poor guy, since Daddy Daycare begins around 6 a.m., with occasional middle-of-the-night stints as well).

I have a few solid excuses for being a little…er…imbalanced these days. In the space of 19 months, I got engaged, got married, got pregnant, had a baby, moved into a new role at work, transitioned from working in an office to working at home…and moved SIX times. Yep, you heard me correctly. Six. And the fifth move was halfway across the country to a place I’d only visited three times. On top of that, all of this relocating involved two stints of living in relatives’ basements – one during my third trimester, one with a two-month-old infant. It also means I never got to nest during my pregnancy – I never got to let my craziness all hang out. Clearly, I was repressed. Ha!

Seriously, I think all of this is enough life change to give anyone a free pass to the loony bin.

And my man, he has borne it all with steadfastness and (most of the time) grace. Clearly, he doesn’t always understand what’s going on with me (nor does he want to, I’m sure – he just wants to survive it). He occasionally loses his cool for five minutes when I do something utterly ridiculous, but the resultant cloudburst of tears that ensues encourages him to rapidly get his act together, so as to close the floodgates as quickly as possible. Poor guy.

He really has been a trooper, and to be fair, he has endured as many transitions as I have, including leaving his full-time job of twelve years to return to college in pursuit of a more fulfilling career and an overall better life for us. He never envisioned himself as a stay-at-home dad by day, full-time student by night. He deserves my gratitude for handling all of this, coupled with my unpredictable hormone surges and the resultant emotional highs and lows they elicit.

Thus, this letter:

Dear E,

Thank you for all the ways you support us as a family. I know it must be difficult not to be working at a “regular” job, but in my mind, you are doing the most important job right now – taking care of our daughter. You’re an amazing dad, and I couldn’t ask for more as far as her daily care is concerned. I know how much this requires, and I know how tired it can leave you at the end of the day, mentally and emotionally as well as physically. I can’t express my appreciation enough.

Thank you having the courage and faith to step out on a limb and go back to school to pursue your dreams. I know it’s hard work, and that you struggle every week to find enough time to get everything done. I’m so proud of you for taking this leap, and I am behind you every step of the way.

Thank you for doing your best to understand my emotions and to meet my needs, to listen when I go off about things and do what you can to help me feel better. Thank you for all the ways you encourage me – to write, exercise, to do the things I enjoy. Thank you for being willing to step out of your comfort zone in order to find a church and to find community because you know I especially need those things. I know it isn’t your cup of tea.

Thank you for weathering all these changes – wedding, pregnancy, parenting, moving, changing roles – together. Because we are doing all of this as a family, as a united team, I know we’re going to survive it and come out stronger on the other side. I’m looking forward to all the days of our life together, because every one is an adventure.

You’re a great husband. You’re also my best friend. I thank God for you every day, and I wouldn’t trade you for anything.

Love,