Are All Christians “Religious?”

Not long after E started training for his new job, one of his classmates approached him. She’d heard he’d been assigned to the Memphis office.

“You’re married, right?” she asked. She explained that she had a friend in the Memphis office who had recently relocated there and was hoping for a connection – with me, the unknown wife of her unknown future colleague.

When E told me this, I felt a rush of sympathy for this anonymous girl in Tennessee. I know what it’s like to move to a new place and start all over making friends, trying to find people you feel comfortable with. This is especially tough if you’re post-college and you don’t find anyone at work who feels like a good fit. Making friends as a grown woman is so challenging in our culture that people even write books about it.

I told E to find out the girl’s name, and I made a mental note to have him follow up when we got to Memphis. At the very least, I figured, we could invite her over for dinner and get to know her a bit, offer her hospitality and a place to just be herself.

And then, last week, he told me that the same classmate had approached him a second time.

“She wanted to know if we’re ‘relig,'” he said, chuckling.

I cringed.

So – are all Christians “religious?”

The question of “religion” is a tricky one, because “religion” by definition doesn’t just mean a belief in a higher power. It also means a set of practices that someone lives by. “Religion” implies rules. And the concept of rules implies rigidity, narrowness, restriction–and opportunity for failure.

I’m not a fan of “religion.” And no, I don’t consider myself “relig.”

I am, however, a fan of Jesus. And as far as I can tell, Jesus wasn’t a fan of “religion” either. He was a radical. He questioned the religious “establishment.” He spurned the religious leaders of his day, pointing out how living by the rules had become too important to them, and that their performance didn’t matter because they had forgotten the one truly important thing: love.

Do I call myself a Christian? Yes. But for me, Christianity isn’t a religion.

One of my former pastors, Bill Hybels, likes to say, “Christianity isn’t a religion; it’s a relationship.” I love this way of looking at things. It’s not only true, it’s comforting. As a Christian, I’m not called to live by a set of rules I can’t break. I’m not called to perform. I’m simply called to be in a relationship with God. And it’s not a relationship that restricts me or makes me feel like a failure. Quite the contrary, in fact. It’s a relationship that has freed me in every way imaginable, a relationship that has enabled me to thrive. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

There are plenty of Christians who are living out a “religion,” though. They are consumed by following the rules rather than investing in a relationship with Jesus. This in itself is a kind of slavery, and it’s the last thing God wants for us. As a result, these religious folks are fearful and suspicious of the non-religious. They tend to appear judgmental rather than accepting, critical rather than loving. These are the people non-Christians are talking about, unfortunately, when they slap on a label like “relig.” These are the people they don’t want to bother with, because they know that if someone is measuring them by a set of rules, they’re going to fail. And who wants to be friends with people who constantly see them as a failure, as not good enough, as not measuring up to some impossible standard? I sure don’t.

I’ll let you in on a little secret, though. No Christian, regardless of how well he or she lives by the “rules,” measures up. No one is “good enough.” This is why the relationship aspect of Christianity matters. This is where grace comes into the picture.

Every religion in the world offers a set of rules or principles, rituals or practices to live by. But Christianity is the only one that offers a relationship. A relationship that allows us to fail to live by the rules. This is what we call grace. I need grace desperately, because I am constantly failing.

The great thing about grace is that it allows me to let go of my failures when they happen. It enables me to live joyfully rather than under the pressure to perform. It frees me to love my imperfect self and to therefore love other people more than I otherwise might. And I’m not talking about just loving other Christians. Jesus was known for hanging out with the broken, the misfits, the thieves and prostitutes, the liars and cheats. The people who needed him the way I need him.

So am I “religious?” I prefer to say no. Do I live by a set of principles? Well, I’d say it’s more a way of life that’s centered around love rather than around a set of rigid rules to follow. My hope is that it makes me more approachable, more loving, more open to people and their messes. The way Jesus was.

Mercy & grace~

Harmony

Photo Credit: James Jordan. License: Creative Commons 2.0