Five Ways to Enjoy Motherhood More

I’m linking up with my friend Kelly Smith at Mrs. Disciple today as part of her weekly #FridayFive. Join me over there for more great posts on motherhood.

This is the first time I’ve written for a link-up, and as I pondered the prompt this week–Five for Mom–I wrestled with feeling like I probably don’t have a whole lot to say about being a mom. I’m forty, but I’ve only been a mother for three and a half years. God’s been chipping away at those doubts, though, reminding me that all my years of singleness involved a lot of preparation for motherhood. Entering motherhood at thirty-six has, I think, given me the opportunity to be more thoughtful and intentional about it than I would have been in my twenties. And there are probably a few key things that help me stay in the boat as I ride the rapids of this thing called mothering, things that help me be a better mom than I otherwise would be.

Build Yourself a Village

No one should mother alone. We all need a village to help us along. When Mother’s Day rolls around each year, I can’t help thinking of all the women who have poured into my mothering, from near and far, whether they know it or not. There’s my mom, of course, who taught me to be the kind of mother who would tell her kids they could do anything they set their minds to. There’s also my maternal grandma, who mothered with homecooked meals and handsewn items. My aunt Jill taught me about letting go. There’s Jodi, the first of my friends to become a mother, who showed me that you simply have to dive in and not look back. There’s Amanda, who convinced me by example that even though I work full time, I can integrate sustainable practices like cloth diapers and homemade baby food into my mothering in a stress-free way. Robin showed me that working from home is not just doable but life-giving. And then there are the writers I’ve gathered around me as a sort of fortress against the storms of motherhood: Sarah Bessey, Sarah Mae, Jessica Turner, Sherry Surratt, Sally Clarkson, and so many others who have poured into my tired mother self with their encouraging words. We need other mothers.

Put Yourself First Sometimes

This is not a new idea. In order to love well, you have to be fulfilled yourself. And little people demand a lot from their mama. Certainly, there are days and weeks when it will seem impossible to get adequate rest or space, but at some point, that has to give.  I learned early that a depleted mom is an unhappy mom, a mom who will struggle to give freely and generously, so I refuse to feel guilty about needing time to myself to “fill up.” Take a walk alone. Take a bubble bath (with the bathroom door locked). Spend an hour browsing in Target by yourself. Send everyone to the playroom or the backyard while you curl up nearby with a book. It helps to remember that even Jesus got away from it all from time to time for some rest and quiet. Find a way to work “Me Time” into your life. You’ll be a better mama because of it.

Adopt a Guilt-Free Stance

Guilt is the chain that can tie a mom down, the parasite that can eat her up from the inside out. I’ve known mamas who dwelled for days afterward on that one moment they lost their temper, those words they used, that tone of voice they had. Yes, it’s good for a mama to acknowledge to her kids when she makes a mistake, to ask for forgiveness, but once that’s done, she needs to let herself off the hook. Anne Shirley liked to say that tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet. The Bible concurs, telling us God’s mercies are new every morning. There will be less-than-shining moments in your motherhood journey, and that’s okay. The key to moving forward in motherhood joyfully is to let those moments go, to lay them down at the foot of the cross and walk away, beginning anew. Yes, you’ll probably need to do this many, many times, but a mama who can give herself grace for being human will set an example of grace for her littles.

Remind Yourself You’re More than “Just a Mom”

When someone asks you to describe yourself, do you say (or think) something like, “I’m just a mom”? Do you feel like motherhood has eclipsed everything else about you? If that’s so, work on thinking of yourself as more than “just a mom.” Remind yourself of all the ways you described yourself before you were a mom. Are you a writer? An artist? A runner? A baker? A scrapbooker? I understand that this can be harder for a mom who stays home, but that makes it even more important. Even if you can carve out a mere twenty minutes every few days to be something other than a mom, it will be good therapy. You will continue to feel like you belong to yourself, as well as to your pack of little people.

Choose Fun

Motherhood doesn’t have to be all dishes and diapers and laundry and wiping dirty faces. With everything there is to do each day, it’s easy to forget that mothering can be–and should be–fun. It’s easy to just do the work of motherhood from sunup to sundown. Instead, take time regularly to choose the fun over the practical. Leave the dishes in the sink and go to the park. Eat pancakes for dinner (with chocolate chips in them). Go on outings to places you enjoy. Don’t just choose things your littles will consider fun–choose things you think of as fun, and your littles will have fun because you are having fun.

Here’s to mothering better and with more joy.