The Heart of Hospitality: How to Have Guests and Enjoy Them

With Thanksgiving just around the corner and Christmas close behind, I’ve been thinking about the pressures we put on ourselves in this “do more, have more, be more” culture of ours, and how that affects our ability to provide and enjoy hospitality during the holiday season as well as the rest of the year.

To some people, hospitality comes easily. It’s second nature to invite people into their home, make them feel comfortable and wanted, like their presence is a gift. We all know people like that – and maybe you’re one of them. But many of us, especially if we have houses overflowing with the chaos that comes with having little ones, think about having company and just feel overwhelmed. How can we possibly create an environment that’s warm and welcoming in the midst of our craziness? And how can we possibly enjoy it?

The Bible speaks of hospitality clearly in several places, instructing us to open our arms to others, to “offer hospitality to each other without grumbling” (1 Peter 4:9). We are called to be cheerful in opening our homes to others, whether they be family, friends, or strangers. Why? Because Jesus showed hospitality to us – he opened his heart to us when we were strangers to him, welcomed us in, and shared what he had to give – eternal life with him. When he walked the earth as a man, he offered hospitality to those around him, sharing whatever he had, no matter how humble. We are asked to do the same in the spirit of Christ. When we get to Heaven, we want Jesus to say to us, “Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in,” (Matthew 25:35).

I don’t think these passages are meant to pressure us – and I’m not putting them out there to make you feel pressured. God asks us to show hospitality because when we do, it not only blesses the person we are opening our home to, it blesses us.

Yes, there are times when hospitality is difficult – you may dread a visit from your mother, your mother-in-law or your persnickety great-aunt for good reasons, if they seem to be looking at your home, your husband, or your children with a critical eye. If that’s the case, I want to say to you that the only one whose opinion matters is your heavenly Father’s. And he’s not going to find fault with those things the way a difficult relative might. Truly, the only pressure we have when it comes to hospitality is the pressure we put on ourselves. God just wants us to open our homes and our hearts so that we can experience what it means to love others. I think we often make hospitality into a burden instead of a blessing, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

You don’t need to redecorate to show hospitality. If you’re like me, you look at homemaking blogs and decorating books, drooling over the beauty of other peoples’ living spaces – and then you look around at your home and you compare. Or you visit a friend’s home and instead of enjoying your time with her, you’re thinking about how you could never invite her over because your home doesn’t look half as nice as hers. You might be thinking that you need to go shopping before you can have company – for new throw pillows, nicer dishes, the makings of a fancy meal. You need to paint, remodel the downstairs bathroom, do some landscaping before your home is a fit place to invite guests. The truth is that most people don’t care about your throw pillows or your paint colors. They just want to spend time with you. Your home is fine the way it is, and you are probably the only critic.

Your home doesn’t need to be perfect. For some of us, the state of our homes is an issue. We pick up all the toys scattered around only to have our tiny toddler tornadoes whirl through and redistribute the mess 15 minutes later, and we can’t keep up. We feel like we need to clean the windows and wash the drapes before we can have company. This isn’t how God wants us to think. Jesus doesn’t ask for our homes to be in perfect shape in order for us to invite people in. He wants us to be real. A home filled with littles is never perfectly tidy, and people don’t expect it to be. Again, you are probably the only critic here. If you do the best you can to make things clean and neat and welcoming (more to come on doing this with simplicity in another post), that’s enough. People like walking into a home that clearly says, “A happy family lives here.” They don’t need your home to be a showplace, and neither does Christ. 

You don’t need to get fancy with food. If you’re having guests at mealtime, you don’t need to make lobster bisque or steak Diane. Make simple, easy dishes that will help you relax and cause you to spend as little time in the kitchen as possible, so that you have more time to spend with your guests. Make-ahead meals you can just put in the oven when guests arrive and Crock-pot meals are perfect. I’ll say it again – in this area, you are probably the only critic.

Hospitality is about relationships. If your best friend from college comes for a weekend, and you’re so busy trying to keep things perfect or you’re in the kitchen for hours making a complicated meal, you’re missing out. Put something in the Crock-pot, let the kids play, and sit down at the table with a pot of coffee or tea and engage. Talk. Listen. Laugh. Cry. Share. That’s what hospitality is about. The same goes for the new neighbors who just moved in – if you see the new mom next door out getting the mail with her kiddos, and all you have in the cupboard is a package of Oreos, don’t let that stop you. Run out the front door and invite her in for a cup of tea and a cookie, and get to know her. Find out some of her story and share some of yours. Tune out the voices telling you that the house is too messy or you should bake a pan of muffins first – Oreos are fine, girl. Do you know the story of Mary and Martha? Jesus wants us to be Marys, engaging with people. He doesn’t want us to be Marthas, so overwhelmed by the housework and cooking we think we need to do in order for our guests to be happy that we miss out on quality time with the people themselves!

You don’t need to apologize. This was Julia Child’s rule: never apologize for what your hands have made. That goes for your home as well as your appearance, your food, and your company. God doesn’t ask us to apologize for who we are or what we have – he asks us to offer it up to others as though they are him, with a generous, loving spirit.

Who you are and what you have is more than enough. Do you know the story of Jesus and the apostles feeding thousands of people with a few loaves of a bread and a few fish? The food multiplied until there was more than enough for everyone, with several basketfuls of scraps left over. In short, they finished with more food than they had when they began! I’m not saying this is what’s going to happen to you if you try to serve six people two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but this is what happens to our hearts and our spirits when we share whatever we have with a joyful attitude – that joy will multiple and overflow before we are done.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of guests during the busy holiday season, or you’ve been holding back from offering hospitality to others because you feel like what you have just isn’t adequate, I hope this has encouraged you and helped you to understand more deeply that God loves you and has already blessed you with what you need in order to be generous with your home and your time. I hope you can set aside any unrealistic expectations you might have of yourself and begin to embrace the truth that you are enough, right now, the way you are, with what you already have.

I’ll be back Monday with some simple, practical ways you can prepare for guests and create a warm and welcoming environment in the real home you live in.

Blessings,

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