Why Regular “Me Time” Isn’t Selfish
Maybe you have kiddos running around the house, and you long for just five minutes of quiet. Maybe you’re married, and you occasionally long for an evening alone, the kind you used to enjoy on a regular basis, curled up on the couch with a favorite book or a few episodes of Downton Abbey.
If you are in one of these categories, do you feel guilty about wanting a break from your loved ones? Do those longings feel like a betrayal, somehow? Do you shy away from telling your husband you’d like to forego your date night in favor of an alone night, so you can go to the bookstore and browse in peaceful solitude, or take a long walk alone? Are you afraid to ask your husband, mom, mom-in-law, or a friend to take the kiddos for half a day so you can just. be. alone. for fear they’ll think you’re a terrible mom?
Let’s get one thing straight, here: Me Time is a healthy practice, not a selfish practice.
Let’s also get straight some things that do NOT qualify as Me Time: Showers. Bathroom visits (even if you secretly read a magazine or play a game on your phone while doing so). Trips to the grocery store. Gym time. Errands of any kind. Doctor visits. Work. Kapish?
Me Time is time that allows you to have space and time to think, to search yourself, be creative, commune with God. To be you – the you who isn’t just a wife or a mom or an employee. The you who has interests and hobbies and relationships – both earthly and spiritual – beyond being a wife or a mother or an employee.
Jesus practiced regular Me Time. So did the apostle Paul. And King David. The list of Biblical examples that support Me Time goes on and on.
But Me Time isn’t necessarily alone time, either. Me Time, for you, might be time with a girlfriend (or two or three) if it energizes you, helps you shake off the rest of your identity for a little while, allows you to relax and recharge. Helps you find balance. Allows you to just be you.
At some point almost every week, I head to the café in my local bookstore, order a mocha or a chai latté, and spend about four hours writing. During that time, I enter another world – one that exists only in my head – and I capture what happens there in words. Then, I spend a little time browsing, looking at the latest releases and the bargain books. I sip my coffee and think about stuff, with no one to interrupt my thoughts. I talk to God about what’s going on in the rest of my life. And then, I go home and reunite happily with my husband and toddler. I am never happier to see them than at that moment, after four hours away.
This time each week is my Me Time. It fills some need in me that gets filled no other way. And it is absolutely necessary. If I go too long without it, I start to feel crabby and resentful. I get edgy. I snap more easily.
At first, I felt a twinge of guilt every time I left the house to spend the afternoon in solitude. But then I realized, I am better because of it. I am a better wife, a better mom, because my Me Time tank has been filled. I’ve had a break, a respite. Those four hours every week are the best gift my husband gives me. They make me happy in a way nothing else can. Once I realized that, the guilt subsided. It doesn’t mean I don’t love my family more than anything in the world – it just means I am human, and I need to recharge so I can continue to be the best wife and mom I can be.
There are other ways I get snippets of Me Time – an hour here and there. I try to get up before L is awake to blog, but she often gets up as soon as I do, and I have to juggle blogging with seeing to her morning needs. Some nights, I get in bed early with a book and read while E does his own thing for an hour. But these little practices are brief and they don’t quite do the job. I am best when I have a solid block of time away every week or so, at least three or four hours.
If you aren’t setting aside time for you to just be you, I encourage you to figure out a way to work it in. It’s not selfish. It’s restorative. It prevents burnout. It will help every other aspect of your life become more joyful.
Are you getting enough Me Time? What does your Me Time look like?
